I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
