Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
