she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
