he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize