a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
