Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
