You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
