Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
