Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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