If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
