My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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