I have demons in me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
