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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
