i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
