i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
