Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
