I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
