I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
