dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Even my vagina gasped.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
