he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize