who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
