I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
