UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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