sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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