My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
