I'm lost and stupid without you.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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