I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
