I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
