We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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