ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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