I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
