Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
