this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
