Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
