Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
