i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
