Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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