Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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