Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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