New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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