She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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