Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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