We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
