Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
