I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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