I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
