I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
