All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
