drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
