bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
