I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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