That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
