What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
