wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
