but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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