I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
