if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize