How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just high enough for therapy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
