just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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