Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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