I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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