all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
