just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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