I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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