can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
