And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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