oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
