is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
