Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
