OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
