Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
