My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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