my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
not ubering you a puppy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.