She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT