i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater