i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
