how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..