you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
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Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?