Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
