I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID