lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
