Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
