Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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