He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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