So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
